On Confidence And Why You Shouldn't Give A S--- What People Think Of Your Style

07:20


Ah, confidence. The elusive thing that we all strive to achieve but often fall short of completely having. How many times have you walked out the front door, feeling 100% fabulous and not letting anything get to you and ruin that euphoria all day? If that's you everyday then that's bloody amazing, and you're amazing and I hope nothing ever spoils that. But in reality, that's not all of us. We will occasionally have these moments but they tend to be the exception rather than the rule which in all honesty, really sucks. We also tend to associate confidence with being a negative thing - worrying that if we feel "too" good, that we just seem cocky and too self assured. I've seen examples where when a girl has been complimented by a man and she thanks him and agrees, she's called vain or conceited or... ugly? Why? It's almost as if other people's opinions are the only ones valid about how we are as people - if we show self love or take agency in the way we present ourselves, that's not okay, but if other people make a comment this is fine and acceptable and "the truth". This needs to stop.

The reason that I mention not caring about what people think of the way that you dress in the title of this post is because, as a fashion blogger and enthusiast, this is probably the part of this whole issue that affects me the most. I really believe in dressing for yourself, and personally I've never felt comfortable in certain clothes that may be seen by the average person as "the norm". Khaki and nude tones, trenchcoats and lace up stilettos look absolutely incredible on other women but on me? I wouldn't feel myself. I love my obnoxious faux fur jackets and my holographic tops and my chunky shoes and my novelty handbags. Although most people are absolutely lovely about the way that I dress and champion it (my mum is the most amazingly supportive woman I know and has always encouraged me to be myself), there are always naysayers. My style has been called "tacky", "childish" and "unflattering" and this used to make me feel so terrible. It made me want to throw away all the pieces in my wardrobe that make me "me" and delete my blog because some anonymous person online didn't like my furry coat. And it messed with my head. I've talked before about my anxiety and after each negative comment I would overplay it in my head, letting it totally zero in on me until it was all I could think about. I hate that this was ever a thing.

My ways of overcoming this? Think about the good things that come from dressing for yourself, whatever way this will be. It shows confidence. For every side eye I've got in the street for wearing a pastel rainbow jumper, I've recieved a lovely comment on my Instagram about how cute it looks. For every person staring at my Krusty Shake bag on the tube in confusion, I think about the cute old couple in Carluccios who complimented me on it with a warm smile. Though it's easy to get hooked on the naysayers, people genuinely love it when people dress interesting and exciting - it's why fashion week is such a big deal as there is so much life and creativity and individuality in both the looks on the catwalk and the street style. It's a celebration of being unique and I adore that. 

The other tip is, ALWAYS be comfortable in what you wear. If you're unsure about a look and then you go out and someone looks at you in a certain way, this will make you feel ten times worse. I know this from experience! There have been times I've not been sure about what I was wearing and a simple glance from a stranger has made me want to rip off my outfit and run home crying. I can guarantee that if you feel incredible in what you're wearing, you'll naturally give less of a crap what people think. I feel ten times more comfortable in a pair of chunky boots and a two piece and a hat than I do in a crop top and jeans, so when I wear the latter I naturally feel way more self conscious - though it could be the other way round for someone else! You just have to do you, and always wear what makes you feel sassy and amazing.

Now about owning your confidence and shouting about your love for yourself - JUST DO IT. If people think you're cocky for saying that you feel cute that day in your Instagram caption on a super amazing selfie, then you have to think about the sort of person they are. I love seeing women and men show self love and shout loud and proud about it and I'm so glad it's becoming more common. The "body posi" social media trend has sky rocketed in the past year with people of all sizes, races and genders posting powerful photos showcasing how much they love themselves whether society likes this or not and it's the most beautiful thing in the world. I just hope it continues to grow. 

(image found on Tumblr and from FOX's Bob's Burgers)

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54 comments

  1. I love this article and I 100% agree. I also found that since I started wearing what I wanted (instead of worrying what other's thought) I do feel more confident and that my clothing represents me. Lovely piece hun xx

    www.lurchhoundloves.com

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    1. Thank you for reading lovely! xx

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  2. I 100% agree with you on this one. Happens to me a lot, and I don't know why I care so much about people thoughts about my style cause I'm not gonna meet any of them ever again! Btdubs, very great choice of picture there with Tina on it.

    www.ashrealasitgets.blogspot.com

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    1. Thank you for reading lovely! I love Tina <3 haha

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  3. I love this post and agree 100% with what you're saying! Dressing for yourself and being comfortable always makes me feel more confident and people who criticise others for something as simple as their outfit clearly aren't very nice people at all!

    http://heart-autumn.blogspot.co.uk/

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  4. Being comfortable in what you wear is great advice. It definitely helps build confidence. Love this post!

    http://www.mintnotion.com

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  5. Awww this is lovely, Cara! I really enjoyed reading this, there are things I would love to wear but am always scared of being judged haha xD I like when you see older people wearing younger clothes because they are just wearing what they love, no matter what anyone thinks :D xx

    elizabeth ♡ ”Ice Cream” whispers Clara | (doing follow for follow on bloglovin or instagram)

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    1. Thanks girl <3 I hope you one day feel confident enough to wear all the things you want to!

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  6. I absolutely love this post and the strong beliefs you've shown! I was actually thinking of writing something similar but you said it all. I'm getting better at just being me, embracing my style through blogging definitely helps but it's always the shallow comments that shoot you back down. I think if you keep holding on to what you feel confident and comfortable in, you'll get past the care of what others think x

    Bridie | The Same Old Chic

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    Replies
    1. This is so awesome to hear/read! Thanks for reading girl xx

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  7. Amen to this. I usually fake the confidence until I make it, too. That sounds strange, but it's actually extremely helpful!

    Kiersten

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  8. amazing post- since moving from Melbourne to outback Australia, living in a town of about 800 people I feel super aware of not being too weird and out there in case it comes back to bite me but as a result, I haven't been feeling myself
    Thanks for the confidence booster <3

    http://secret-hipster.blogspot.com/

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  9. Feeling confident has never been easy for me, it was always an issue I struggled with by nearing my 30s I finally feel like I am learning to love myself. Blogging has also helped so much x

    Beauty with charm

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    Replies
    1. I'm glad you found the thing that helps you! x

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  10. Are you serious?! You're style is so far from tacky or childish! I've been subscribed to your blog for a reason and that because your style is unique and I love it! They say it's tacky because they secretly wish they could have the courage to step outside the norm. Hell, I honestly wish I had the courage to wear the faux fur coats like you. :) Please don't change your style. xx

    Autumn | A Fabulous Hippie

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    1. This comment made me smile so much <3 Thank you! I never will xx

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  11. Your post is so amazing and I 100% agree with you! We all have our preferred styles, clothes that we feel comfortable on and just items that we like to express ourselves so people should think about that first before being judgmental.

    Tanya
    www.StripesNVibes.com
    BlogLovin

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  12. Well said! It's funny because when I was a teenager I did the craziest things with my style but as I became an adult it seem as though everyone's judging and made me a bit self-conscious about the way I looked. But well I've learned to surpass that and just be comfortable and confident in anything I wear. Great post girl!

    Stacey | www.thebambieyes.com

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  14. Hello dear, nice to meet you! I like how you write and your blog.
    I think that you´re absolutely right!
    I'm also a fan of Disney, I read your presentation jiji
    it's great that there are people like you, trying to change the world
    A big kiss from,

    www.comparteilusion.blogspot.com

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  15. What a beautiful post! I've struggled with what I love to wear and what others think. Even opinions of close relatives have made me "tone" down my style a bit. I do wish I had the confidence to overcome these feelings. Everyone is different in their style and what they like. If we could all just embrace the differences instead of criticizing others then maybe everyone's confidence would sky rocket.
    ~Lili
    www.thefashionsalt.com

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  16. Agree! You wouldn't believe how people in Asia look at me from head to toe, from my ombre hair which is not that popular here to how I style my clothes. However, who gives a f***? Love these words girly!

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  17. I'm lucky enough that I have never experienced any negativity toward my style on my blog/social media, but I can imagine it does lower your confidence a little when somebody says something rude and unneeded. I 100% agree with you about wearing what you feel comfortable in, that can give you so much more confidence in itself! Fab post!

    The Velvet Black | UK Style & Beauty Blog

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  18. YAYAY!!! Such a fabbbbulous article!!!! LOVVVVE!
    kisses
    xoThe Beckerman Girls

    www.BeckermanBlog.com

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  19. As a college freshman, this really helped me to feel ok with whatever I choose to wear. I started to kinda give up to dress myself 'well' just to look better cause it started to put pressure on me! I didn't want to feel any pressure with my own style. Thanks, I feel better now xx

    KayleeㅣJK's Dawn

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  20. Great theme and article dear!
    It's very important that you just wear what YOU like!

    That's the thing some people don't learn, sadly. :(

    XX,
    Photography & Fashion Blog

    CHRISTINA KEY
    www.CHRISTINAKEY.com

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  21. Ever since I was a kid I dressed a little more "alternative", and I wholly admit that looking back on my teen years, I was your average "scene kid" x "emo"! Now I tend to dig the "minimalist chic" thing which is everything that's so far from the emo I started as haha. Black skinny jeans and blue boyfriend jeans are my staples, and I love my v-neck plain tees and stripey tops. No matter what I've worn, I've always worn what makes me comfortable. I can't wear heels on a day to day basis (unless it's a low heel in ankle boots) and I feel uncomfortable in long, structured coats and tailored blouses and trousers! I completely feel for you when you say negative opinions from other people have made you question your own style, I've been there too. I also completely agree with the love of self-love. If I feel cute, I'm probably going to say that on my selfy. Like, literally, I don’t even have the time for negative comments, especially from little keyboard gangsters on the internet. They will be deleted, they aren't even worth the response or energy! I think it's great they you addressed this in a post, and I think it's important that people accept and believe in compliments given to them, regardless of anything else. I've always been a little "big-headed" because I enjoy accepting compliments, and I appreciate them! There’s nothing wrong with that. It makes me smile when someone in work or a fellow blogger says something nice - sort of a no-brainer, but it's something I really encourage. I love leaving people nice compliments too, although I worry I comeacross weird when I do haha. Anyway, that went a bit rambly there. Awesome post, keep up the good work Cara!

    Amanda Jayne | beauty, style, life

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  22. Such a great post! I completely agree

    http://poiseinwings.blogspot.com/

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  23. PREACH. Today someone laughed at my epic ombre coat and I immediately started giggling to myself because I couldn't have felt more like a BAWS. My coat is epic & I feel great in it. Who cares what the haters say, it's all about feeling good in your own skin. :) t

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  24. I agree with you! Just don't care and flaunt our own individuality!

    ~ Styleccentric Fashion' | BLOGLOVIN

    xo, Alyssa

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  25. I love, love, love this post and I 100 percent agree. Sometimes I worry that what I wear won't be deemed "attractive" and I'll look overdressed but at this stage I really don't care. I don't feel myself in jeans and the like, so why not wear what takes me happy? If you're going to be the leading lady in your own story, you might as well dress like it. x
    fashionismyfirstlanguage.blogspot.ie

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  26. I think people should always have the confidence.
    I love seeing people lovin what they have and what they are.

    The Bandwagon Chic | Instagram | Bloglovin | Snapchat: bandwagonchic

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  27. well said girl, just keep dressing the way you love to

    xo

    Inspirations Have I None

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  28. My dad told me I looked like I was wearing Pj's today so even your own family can judge you so you should just laugh it off, you wear what you want, everyone should!

    Meme xx

    New Post:
    Avon First Look: Urban Safari Jumpsuit
    www.thedayinthelifeof.co.uk

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  29. Love this article (and always a Bob's Burgers gif :P ) but really well said :3
    Thanks you - I think I kind of needed to read this today, haha <3

    xx
    http://oliviaemily.com

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  30. This is such a wonderful post! I definitely agree with the sentiment 100% and really, we all need to stop paying so much attention to what nasty people have to say about us, because it means nothing in the grand scheme of things! x

    Martha Jane | www.marthajanemusic.com

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  31. I totally agree with you. Important thing is to do what you love & not get affected by naysayers. I hope after writing this post you feel much better & have all the confidence to wear what you feel like & do what you love. Have a great week sweetie :)

    xoxo Eva | www.evakindles.com

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  32. Great post. I think basically, we can’t please everyone so we can only really try & please ourselves. That way we can’t loose.

    TFM BLOG

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  33. Nice post! You gave us the confidence to wear just what we want!
    http://fetish-tokyo.blogspot.jp/

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  34. YAS!! I 100% believing in dressing for yourself because fashion would be so boring if we were all the same and also confidence oozes from people when they feel confident in their clothing. Love this post

    Emma Inks

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  35. This is such a great post, and super inspiring!

    www.wonderlandclothing.com

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  36. Hey. Do you click in my post?
    http://twosistersbloog.blogspot.com/2016/03/mini-outfit.html

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  37. The couple sound so cute, I love people like that! I think everyone should dress for themselves and people should respect the uniqueness :)

    Velvet Blush

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  38. Agree! Life is to short to be scared of what other people think about us or our style :)

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  39. What I have seen most about the fashion blogging world is showing the world "your style" whatever it may be. People can draw inspiration from it. I have never once seen someone degrade another for their particular style tbh.

    Angie | Chocolate & Lipstick | Beauty, Fashion & Lifestyle Blog

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  40. Great post! I truly believe that confidence is key and people that have that confidence radiate it! I strive to do that everyday. Having a blog has really helped me not really care about judgmental people. You would think it wouldn't help it, but it really has just made me try new styles and go out of my comfort zone! Love the post, great work.

    Xo Lauren
    www.auburnrobes.com

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  41. Girl I LOVE this post, and I couldn't agree more with you. Beeing different can be quite challenging and I always love supporting people that dare to be different. I love dressing up everyday and doing my hair and makeup and a lot of people at my school really look at me the weird way just cause I stand out from the crowds. But I love beeing myself and beeing confident, and even tho people don't usually like my style or my clothes I never let that bring me down. Well done ! The post is amazing!

    http://popangelscloset.blogspot.com

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  42. Amazing post! Love the way you wrote about this and how it's making me feel more positive :)

    http://thefashionconvert.blogspot.co.uk/
    http://secretbeautylife1.blogspot.co.uk/

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  43. I'm so in love with this post! There's nothing better than someone who understands that you don't need to be a carbon copy of everyone else out there xx
    https://caoilinyoung.blogspot.com

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