On Fashion and Pleasing Others.


As fair as men go, the ones in my life are pretty good when it comes to some of my fashion choices. My boyfriend has seen it all from obnoxious "gold" chains and pink hair to astronaut silver pencil skirts and hats with cat ears on them and reacted with little more than an eye roll and sigh while my dad simply looks on in faint bemusement as I arrive downstairs in something neon or fluffy (or in some circumstances both). But something that made my blood boil was an article I saw posted on Twitter in which men spoke about what trends "turned them off" including big hats, high heels, high waisted shorts and bright lipstick. It wasn't just me who reacted in disgust - when I reposted the site many of my friends (both male and female) spoke out about how fashion shouldn't be about pleasing anyone else, in particular the opposite sex. As someone who likes to wear interesting clothes, it breaks my heart that some people feel that they can't wear what they love purely because others will judge them.

When I was younger I had very low confidence, I always admired high fashion and the kind of eccentric and artistic pieces that I saw created by designers like McQueen. At this stage I didn't have many friends outside of my close knit group, and faced a few problems with nasty and immature classmates picking up on the fact I didn't fit in that well (I didn't wear makeup until I was about 14 and I wore trousers rather than rolled up skirts). A few years on I cut my hair into an undercut which made me receive homophobic "lesbian" jibes and quite frankly sexist comments from a particular pair of boys in my maths class. It really got me down - why should someone be picked on for choosing to express themselves through their appearance? I was in a state of serious self doubt for ages but when they left school I realized something - why shouldn't I wear what I love? So I started this blog and here I am now.

It's not just me though. Recently one of my favourite bloggers and general sweetheart Helena from Bells Fashion had some of her trademark quirky yet amazing outfits posted on the ASOS page after she styled some of their pieces for them. Queue bitchy "why would you wear that?" and "this is the ugliest outfit ever" comments. It infuriates me that people feel the need to say such nasty and abusive things to somebody just because its not to their taste or different to what they're used to. If you don't like somebody's style that's fine, but you shouldn't act like what they are doing is wrong. Luckily Helena is made of thick skin which is seriously admirable, and anyone who doesn't follow her incredible blog should definitely check it out. She's amazing!

So the moral of the story? Fashion is not about pleasing other people. If you want to wear furry pastel boots (holla at you Meadham Kirchoff for Topshop) or an menswear-inspired trouser suit, do it because I can guarantee you'll look like a complete babe. And if you really want to dress to impress someone else, make that person Leandra Medine.

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  1. Hear, hear! I think confidence comes with age, I probably cared more about what others thought of me when I was a little thing but now I'm not bothered. Now I'll quite happily stand in the middle of town prancing around in my SpiritHood taking blog photos. Super bloggers do attract a lot of negative attention which is sad, I think these haters think of them as celebrities, not people with feelings. We should be supporting each other! If you don't like someone's style, don't read their blog/click away. As my mum always says, if you haven't got something nice to say...

    Tara xo

  2. wonderful post ♥, Really, you inspired me and gave me the power :)
    Love how you're writing :*

    Dots & Laces

  3. You are so right! Why judge a book by its cover - people should be able to wear whatever they like where-ever they like!
    It's atrocious that we live in a world where your every move is judged and criticised. What happened to being women who support each other??

    x Stace

  4. Love this post I totally agree with you fashion shouldn't be about pleasing others but should be a way of reflecting your own style. Going to a uni like mine I see the most outrageous outfits which is normal to me wish everyone thought the way I did rather than judge them.

  5. This is the BEST post I've ever read. That is also the main reason I started my blog as well, since where I'm from, high fashion and coutureish outfits are a big no no. I was so depressed, but once I started my blog and began making friends, it was like a whole new world opened up to me. Self- expression should never be held back, since that's what makes people unique. If we were all like one another, it would be a pretty sucky world. Thank you for this post it really helped me. And Leandra Medine is my soulmate!!! Ily <3

  6. I just wanted to comment on something you said "it breaks my heart that some people feel that they can't wear what they love purely because others will judge them" I do agree with this. However, because we live in places that allow us to express ourselves freely, we also must except that others will judge us, and have the right to do so. I'm not saying it's right or wrong, but without a negative side to things, there can't be a positive. If people's right to judge others and form negative opinions was taken away, what would protect our right to have a positive opinion? I do agree that there is a line where having an opinion turns into unnecessary hate speech or harassment. Nobody should have go through that simply for what they wear. Maybe I'm just rambling and making no sense, or telling you things you already know... but since this was a well written, opinion based article, it inspired some thought in me.

    1. Thank you for your comment! I'm not trying to say that people can't have negative opinions - maybe I phrased that wrong - but mire so that the fact that some get abused and bullied due to just trying to be themselves. I'm sure that everyone sees an outfit they don't like - me included - but the point I'm trying to make is that even if you feel that way, no one should suffer for being their own person.

  7. Thank you so much for this post! Recently I've started expressing myself more with fashion, and it is so empowering. Inevitably there are going to be some people who give you the "ugh what are you wearing look" but thank you so much for re-enforcing that you are not there to please anyone but yourself with what you wear. This post is brilliant, and it's exactly what I needed. By the way, I love your style and writing, they are both just perfection!


  8. can so relate to this post! embrace yourself!



  9. what you've written is so true. People are just too judgemental
    congratz to Helena

    Shalay| itsjustshalay.blogspot.com

  10. This post is so true and I'm happy to see this point of view because so many are afraid to speak up in fashion related subjects! I've been in a very very similar situation and now that I'm blogging, people from my country constantly tell me how I can't wear this or that .. earlier it bothered me but not anymore. Also, I had this phase were I was very down in my self-confidence and didn't really know what I like so I followed the lead of my bf and trusted his opinion SO much that I forgot my own .. though he always wanted me to look my best and be my best, I sometimes didn't buy some things I found interesting because he said it's ugly .. Now I've grown up and it has changed - once it changes, you'll feel amazing!



  11. loving this post!

    lots of love from the c&p girls,
    casper&pearl blog

  12. this post is very well written, and i completely agree with everything you have said. i personally love your style as clearly, many others do. It annoys me when people are so narrow minded and can't appreciate different styles, but i strongly believe the key is confidence. if you feel comfortable in what you're wearing then who cares what other people think? i hope others have this attitude and are able to express themselves through what they wear. hopefully reading your post will help them realise that :-)



  13. Finally, someone has said it! It's been irking me lately that a lot of people has been dressing up because it's what other wear or it's what can impress others. We have to remember that we are dressing up in OUR body, not in theirs, hence out fashion choices shall not be influenced whatsoever by other people. :-)


  14. I had the same thing growing up, right down to the undercut at age 14 haha so weird, I went through all the same comments as you too. It expecially annoyed me that the idea of a girl with short hair instantly made them a lesbian. My hair didn't matter and neither did my sexuality!
    Whats funny though is all these girls totally shaved their heads when it became cool to shave side parts in recent years, hypocrites much?


  15. I used to be kind of shy girl who scared about people' comments on my outfit and style. However, the more I work in the industry, the more I realise that we shouldn't give a *** since our styles will always be our styles like no one can change about it. Love this post darling, i feel ya! <3

  16. great article, follow you're heart and you're own style!

  17. THIS. I agree with you completely!! It's a problem with society nowadays. I just don't see why people can't accept the fact that we all have our own individual style. They tell us to be ourselves but we still get judged when we do so. Sigh. Love your blog! Keep it up :) x


  18. I agree with you. Fashion is more about being yourself and not being someone else or let anyone define who you should be. You are amazing, I love this post! :D

    Google + / Twitter / Bloglovin / Check out BASI

    Cassandra | Backtofive

  19. So true, being individual needs to be celebrated!

    //teandtwosugars.blogspot.com xx

  20. Hey doll,
    I jus discovered your blog!I like so much.
    This fur jack is gorgeous.
    I am following you now.
    I would like to get your opinion on my last post.

  21. I couldn't agree more. My partner isn't nearly as positive about my choices as I would like, but it really does grow your skin!


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